For the majority of us, patience does not come easily. And when it does come, it’s often fleeting. The rest of the time, we rush, we interrupt, we get exasperated when people squeeze ahead of us in line, we charge things now rather than paying cash later, we curse drivers who impede our progress in the fast lane. I have read some posts of my friends on on FB expressing their frustrations time and again on things that did not happen as they planned.
In 1968, a Stanford University researcher presented each member of a group of preschool children with a single marshmallow. He wanted to see which of them could resist eating it long enough to earn a second treat. Follow-up studies found the children who demonstrated sufficient patience to win the prize experienced greater success later in life. They were more likely than the impatient kids to earn good salaries and less likely to suffer from addictions of all kinds. The researchers’ conclusion: Those blessed with an ability to defer gratification enjoy greater life chances as the result.
From decisions made in haste to words spoken without reflection, impatience can cause a vast amount of pain, waste, damage and conflict (Zamboanga City comes to mind).
I have learned over the years that they key to developing the virtue of patience lies in finding new ways of perceiving your predicament. Here are a few ways you might do that :
1. Changing your perception of things, changes your experience.
Interpreting challenging circumstances as novel opportunities doesn’t always come naturally, of course. To make it easier, this is what I do which could also work for you....
a. Bypass blame - Rather than faulting anyone in particular for the fact that you have to wait or adjust your plans, try entertaining the notion that the delay just is. Who knows, it may even turn out to be to your advantage. If not for the wait, perhaps you might have encountered a bigger problem — or accident — instead.
b. Be thankful for small blessings - This is what I always tell my friends.If you’re stuck in a traffic jam, and you have a cell phone that allows you to call and explain your delay to whoever is waiting for you, that’s a blessing. And once you make that call, you’re free to begin embracing more blessings, like the opportunity to listen to some great music while actively strengthening your patience muscles. See if you can sit in traffic without wishing ill upon a single driver, even if several of them manage to get their cars into the moving lane before you do. Try radiating goodwill instead.
Write your own history: Keep in mind that you are always authoring your own experience. Eventually, the irritating circumstances you are dealing with will be over, and you’ll be left with the choices you made in the interim.
2. Expand Your Empathy
For example, if you’re in a movie-ticket line that’s not moving, you might start feeling testy. But if you are willing to see the complexity of the situation, you might reflect on the fact that even a movie theater has a number of intricate moving parts. Everyone who works there has navigated traffic, weather, relationships, possible health challenges and who knows what else to get to work that day. It’s entirely possible that one or more people scheduled that day did not make it, which could slow down the line or — in the event the remaining workers had to deal with an unexpected problem or distraction — stop it altogether.
Seen in this light, you might appreciate that everyone is doing the best that he or she can under the circumstances. You might also perceive that this holdup is probably an exception to the rule: The fact that things generally work as well as they do is something of a minor miracle.
3. Develop Tolerance from Positivity
It’s easier to have patience when we’re awash in good feelings. One good example is when we’re newly in love, for example, it seems like nothing can disturb our sense of well-being. Late busses, long waits for restaurant tables, canceled flights — we take them all in stride. When we are feeling generally happy, our ability to comfortably tolerate annoyances skyrockets. From this positivity, we develop tolerance. This does not involve gritting our teeth and bearing reality. On the contrary, it involves actively noticing and cultivating positive feelings. Come up with "cheerfulness practices"... mine is saying "thank you" to God and my angels the moment I open my eyes in the morning. I express my gratitude for everything, be it big or small. Yours can be listening to your favorite song, reflecting on the beauty of nature, reading a verse in the bible to start your day... all these can do a lot to lengthen your proverbial fuse.
There will always be things that push us to impatience. But practicing with little annoyances,can build a greater capacity for humor and perspective overall. So when the truly big challenges come along, there’s grace. Waiting for you.
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